Tuesday, September 20, 2011

#217 "September Morn Remembering Noah"

As I fill the bird feeder with seed and pick cherry tomatoes off the vine, the air feels the same. It's funny how a chill in the air, but the promise of a beautiful fall day, can take you back. It feels the same. The same as that last September morn.

I pull my morning jacket close around me and remember. That day held such promise and hope. Standing on a balcony, telling my sweet girl, "Go have yourself a baby."  A bassinet and a welcome home sign were waiting. I can feel it all, today, on this September morn.

Hours later, a phone call. A weeping doctor said that the baby died. Noah was gone.

My tears are flowing freely now. I couldn't cry then. I couldn't cry for days.

I've never felt so helpless in all of my life.

Today I can feel it all. I relive it. The events. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. The weight of it threatens to blanket the sun that is rising in the east.

But the sun rises. Nevertheless. It has risen and set for the last 365 days. The days since that September morn. The days where we were sure that the sun would never shine again.

The only thing that would "never be", was that we would never, ever, be the same.

Maybe that's why things have just seemed not right this week. Just off kilter.

Geese fly overhead in V-formation. They feel it. They know the winter is coming. Their senses warn them. They are graciously allowed to fly away. They won't return until it's over.

Oh, to be one with them! To sense the coming cold and bitter winds, and take flight. To miss the frigid. To avoid the harsh. To bask in warm sunshine south, and not come back until it's over. If I could have...


Instead, He makes us stay. We stay and we cry and we bleed and we scream and we hurt and we endure and we lean and we trust, and we don't trust. We believe! Forgive our unbelief!

I am hiding. I am under the shadow of His wings. He holds me close and whispers in my ear through the words of this morning's devotional.



A verse that He gave me years ago for Noah's mom. Now He reminds me. For Noah.

"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11: 40)

It took my breath away.

While we would love to be planning a 1st birthday party this week. While Noah's mom and dad would rather have held a breathing baby in their arms. While Gigi would've loved to add Hot Wheels to the toy box and watch army men decapitate Barbie dolls. All the while glory shines.

Glory is flesh and blood having close encounters with the Living God. Growing closer to Him by watching Noah's parents. A village in Uganda thriving because of a well bearing Noah's name. Drinking not only clean, physical water, but learning of the "Living Water" that is Christ Jesus. Holden Uganda. Hope Mommies. Tragedy that points folk to triumph that is possible only in Him. Learning what strength and provision and grace that is amazing really means. Enduring. Enduring well. Having this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God, and not from us. Seeing God in a way that could never have been possible without the horrific.

So many are still seeking the purpose and plan for their lives. Our sweet Noah fulfilled his purpose and the plan God had for his life without ever breathing earth's air. Now He resides with our Savior. A job well done, good and faithful servant. He gave his life for eternal purposes, just like his Jesus. He is more like Him than we can ever hope to be. He sees His face. He knows what it feels like to be held in the warm embrace of the everlasting arms.

Would I take that from Noah...even if I could?

I walk by faith and not by sight.

Aside from Christ, I have never, ever loved anyone that I cannot see, more than my grandson, Noah Daniel Mahalak.

September Mornings Still Can Make Me Feel That Way!

Happy First Birthday, Mister Man! You are a beautiful, beautiful boy!



  

43 comments:

  1. Oh, that made me get so teary. What a beautiful tribute.

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  2. I can't formulate the words. The only thing that I can say, is "well done, you and your family, faithful servants, for choosing to press into Him and see what He has done with little Noah." You are an example for me. Thank you for sharing this part of you.

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  3. Thank you for the beautiful reminder that sometimes we can't trace His hand, sometimes we can only simply trust His heart...a heart that is all love, and promises to work all things for our good and His glory.
    Remembering you and your precious family in my heart and prayers-

    Thank you for this-
    ~Stacy

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  4. I found your blog from Women Living Well.My heart is heavy for you, but you have given him, Noah, to God, and he does live with him now.I live in the town that Holden Uganda was started. I don't know Holden's parents personally, but I thought what a coincidence that I came across your blog. My prayers are with you this week.

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  5. Found your blog linked to A Holy Experience. Never been here before. But you let me release tears I've been avoiding all week. Tomorrow, the 22nd, is the second anniversary of the death of our perfectly healthy, 3 month old, big baby boy, Riley. It was a beautiful September morning too. I had always loved those mornings.

    God is very strong in our weakness. And one of my children are already perfectly whole in His arms. Pressing on, knowing my Savior as I probably never would have before...

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  6. I also found your post through A Holy Experience, and I also know your joy and pain of losing a child. Our twelve year old son has been in heaven for seven months, and we are learning much the same as you~ to trust Jesus, to see His glory shine through it, and to try to wait patiently until we can be there too. May God continue to bless you with His peace.

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  7. I am so sorry. I really have no words. God grant you peace and comfort.

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  8. So hard to watch your child go through losing a child. When we lost Sarah, my mother said she grieved twice. Once for Sarah and once for watching me go through my own grief. I pray God will be near to Noah's family today.

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  9. i love the beauty, even through the tragedy. what a blessing you have turned this to. that we would all do this with the tragedies in our lives!
    thanks for sharing your heart. what a blessing to read.
    steph

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  10. I will pray for you. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. But I'm so glad that you are making something beautiful out of your loss--in so many ways. I think Noah feels blessed to have a grandmother like you!

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  11. yep i am crying now...prayers of strength and hope to you....

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  12. Donna,

    Like Jen, I just don't have the words. Yet I see eternal purposes...things we don't fully understand, but God knows.

    Praying for you and your family

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  13. Your family has done an incredible job of displaying how the glory of God shines brightest against the blackness of pain and sorrow. You have turned your tears into gladness for so many in Uganda. What a beautiful tribute and testimony all at the same time.

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  14. Ohhhh, my heart aches because I know this pain. I've had three miscarried babies, a stillborn daughter at 36 weeks and we have also buried a 16 year old son. Yes, indeed, the days were numbered by God, and their lives completed. We weep, yet not as those with no hope! Someday though, our tears will be completely wiped away, and we will be forever reunited! What hope!

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  15. My heart is crying for you and your daughter. Yet I thank God for the way they were able to let good come out of what was meant for bad. May God continue to bless and reassure that he is keeping many alive because of the well provided in Noah's name.

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  16. Ok, I'm totally in tears. So sorry for your loss. I'm encouraged and inspired by your trust in and love for God, in spite of the enormous pain you and your family have had to endure. Covering you in prayer this morning. Prayer for peace. Prayer for the healing of a broken heart. Prayer for your continued desire to lean into God.

    On a different note, my hubby was able to download my copy of your eBook to my Kindle for me, so I'll be able to read it much quicker. Yay! I'll be in touch when I finish it. :)

    Blessings,
    Rosann

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  17. You are in the shelter of His wings.

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  18. oh....

    heartbreaking.
    beautiful.
    words seem insufficient right now...

    love to you, donna. xo

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  19. An incredibly poignant post! My heart breaks for you and your daughter and family. Thank you for the reminder to trust God, even through (or especially through) tragedy.

    Blessings, Joan

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  20. Such a beautiful post and tribute. Thank you for sharing, gives me hope.

    Blessings,
    Misty

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  21. Thanks for modeling a thankful spirit amid the sorrow. May God continue to heal your family.

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  22. I'm speechless. Very insightful, emotional and beautiful post!

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  23. It's amazing how God intertwines lives. I'm visiting you from Brag on God Fridays, which I participate in... as you tell me about Noah, my heart aches, remembering the baby one of my dear friends didn't get to take home this past year... then when you mentioned the well, I paused. I've heard of Noah, through that friend. She's got a bog and she reads the blogs of other mothers who lost babies, and she told me about Holden Uganda, which I see the link to at the side. And I know I've read about Noah before (though I can't place it.)

    So I just wanted you to know that I heard of Noah even before I first read your blog. His life may have been short, but it was impactful.

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  24. My heart aches for your family's loss and the pain you've endured. Do you know the blog Sue Elvis Writes? She wrote and published a book on the death of her baby Thomas. She writes about him a lot on her blog if you are interested.

    God's Blessings to you and your family.

    I came over from L.A.C.E.

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  25. I can't imagine. Whatever would we do without the Lord at such difficult times?

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  26. Just believe...that is what gets me through sometimes! beautiful post :)

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  27. I'm so sorry. My friend Christina just shared on similar lines and your story moved me as hers did.I pray God's embrace surround you at this time. God bless


    - Marina
    http://energizerbunniesmommyreports.com/2011/09/faithful-god-tsmss.html

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  28. The peace of the Lord be with you as you continue to grieve your loss. Saying a prayer right now!!!

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  29. My heart goes out to you. May God bring you peace in this time of mourning. What a wonderful gift your family was able to give to Uganda village in the memory of your grandson! You gave them life in honor of Noah's life. That's a beautiful response to tragedy.

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  30. Dearest Donna,

    Since the beginning of September you have been on my mind and heart knowing that this was the month sweet Noah went home. My prayers for you and your family. What an amazing year. Heartbreak transformation and renewal.

    Looking forward to the wedding of your sweet daughter.

    Love,
    Chris

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  31. I think God was preparing my heart yesterday as I wrote my SS post to read this today. My heart is heavy and will pray for you and your family.
    Carrie

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  32. I lost a little girl half-way through a pregnancy - I think the only thing that sustained me in that loss is that she is in Heavan, that she is not here with me, but she is not lost and I will one day be able to wrap my arms around her:) Praying for your family, though - because there are still days I miss.

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  33. Beautiful post. Life can bring us heartbreaks, but I am so thankful we have a loving Lord to help us through. Thanks for linking up.

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  34. I don't know when a story as touched me so deeply as this one and there have been many that brought tears to my eyes. I know your words will help many hurting people who can identify with your sorrow. What a day of rejoicing it will be when we are reunited with loved ones who have left us here to make a difference in other people's lives. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith with us.
    Blessings,
    Charlotte

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  35. Just tears and sorrow and hope, too. Thanks for sharing the deep and tender.

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  36. Hi, Donna. I am passing by and following you via GFC from Tough Cookie Mommy. I would love to add you to my blog followers too. http://toughcookiemommy.com

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  37. As I write this I am holding back the tears...a beautiful post, an awesome deep and touching tribute to your grandson! I am hopping through on Sunday evening! If you haven't yet, Please Follow back Parga's Junkyard Blogand on facebook as well as on my new networking site Like it Ladder Thanks!

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  38. i'm so sorry about your loss and thankful that you and your family have God to get you through this challenge. thanks for sharing your faith.

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  39. Beautiful post, my friend. Read it with tears.

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  40. Oh, friend. Bless you all in this grief and in the ways you honor sweet Noah. Sending so much love to you in this time of tucking into Him.

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  41. Imagine the things your grandson will teach you when you see him again in eternity, having grown up with Jesus. I mourn your loss, yet rejoice in the promise you have in Christ that death cannot separate us forever. God bless!

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  42. Donna, how tender your remembrance is.. ! Thank you for sharing such sweetness and joy in the life of your Noah.

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  43. Oh Donna, Thank you so much for linking up this post to our Best of 2011. It is surely a blessing to those who read it, though I can only imagine the heartbreak of that day. What a blessing this post and your blog already have been to me. Please stop by the brighton park blog sidebar and pick up your best of 2011 button. You will like it! Blessings, katie

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